Nothing has happened-err, hold on.

Oh bugger. It’s that sort of the time when I see I have not written anything on my blog for a while, no-one has bitterly or evenly politely complained as the most eager searchers for this blog are wanting the undead or sex.


This is probably something which is not unique to my tiny part of the internet.

I wrote about not being able to access Chingle Hall, the allegedly most haunted house in the UK and also a couple of years ago, mentioned on a post about Blackpool, that you could could get lighters that stated, ‘Fancy a F*ck’?’ The lighters were so classy that they were  not asterixed and the picture on the lighter was such that looking at the lighter should have been enough to ahem, extinguish the flame.


Most of my readers now leave saddened at the lack of actual ghosts or actual fucks (this sentence is purely a prostitute one to embiggen my hits)

I hoped for discussion about stone circles, abandoned manors and folklore. But more people are interested in fucking in Blackpool, and I would like to mention if you have to consult obscure blogs if you want to get a fuck in Blackpool, then you clearly have no idea what Blackpool is like. I was offered a fuck in Blackpool when pushing a pushchair along at 9.30 on a Sunday morning.


I tried to think of something exciting in the North to tell you about that I have previously banged on about to a disappointed brief audience of those who want sex or the supernatural.


Yesterday I went to Kendal museum, a place I have already written about but even as admin, I can’t find many old posts lost in the dark dusty tunnels of WordPress.


I still disliked it. It consists of a lot of animals that have been shot in the head and taxidermied. The baby elephant reduced me to near tears  when considering its mother and the stuffed dodo with dodo egg made me go and read The Westmoreland Times in the gift shop and consider spending the last thirty quid in my bank account on a pleasing necklace featuring a fake bronze age arrowhead instead.


My toddler loved the museum and thought it was a ‘zoo but the animals were quiet’. It was also a considerably cheaper entry than to see actual live unshot ones so we might go there on his birthday with a CD soundtrack


We went to Heysham last week, another place I have previously written about but might be lost in the dark annals of WordPress (see, another spelling and I would probably get a lot more hits) and I frolicked joyously in Viking graves, was surprised at the lack of people picking the luscious juicy blackberries before I saw the big fuck off Nuclear Reactor I always forget about and spent some time looking around what must be the tiniest most local museum in the world, chatted to some elderly ladies and was infused with a love of humanity until they told me about the thefts.

Today, I wandered through the streets of Lancaster and thought of how there is nothing new to write about and what I have not already seen. I did not see the ancient mounting block because it was a road I was used to walking down and thus I saw it but did not witness it or comprehend it.


I had soup and cider in a pub which had 1688 scrawled across its low entrance but I had seen it before (maybe quite a few times to be honest) and it left me unmoved.


I walked home past Lancaster Castle, an ancient fortified site and prison that sentenced so many people to be hung, it was second to only the Old Bailey. I only found out recently that  the hill I walk home on used to be known as Sobbing Hill, due to the despairing cries of those witnessing their loved ones slowly and publicly die.


What shall I write about I think?

I have been nowhere and done nothing.


5 Responses to “Nothing has happened-err, hold on.”

  • narf7 Says:

    Some of us visit for the word-smithing…for the continuance of the daily drudge in a Northern Town that would have been MY lot but for the determination of my grandmother to exit stage left as soon as she could. Despite the fecundity and the indexed annuls we still come because somewhere underneath all of the “meh” is a bloody good read. Cheers for doing nothing and going nowhere…someone has to do it, may as well be you.

  • Redbookish Says:

    I love this blog. I know some of the places you write about very well, others not at all. Please keep writing in your little corner of the interwebs.

  • cyberfairy Says:

    Thankyou and sorry for late reply- not used to ‘real people’ leaving a reply. Means a lot to have a comment- where be you from then?

  • cyberfairy Says:

    Narf7- I hope all is well with you in what could be described as the polar opposite of where I live. Feel free to write something about your daily inertia and I will post it as a guest writer and thank you for replying-means a lot to someone who writes into a void x

  • Redbookish Says:

    Lancastrian at heart, but living in the deepest South you could imagine.

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