Top Ten Unicycle Emptiness Places Of Wonder Thus Far

I should save this for the new year but I have not updated this week as all we did was attempt a nice walk but went the wrong way and ended up back at the car park and had a bicker and I really could not think of ways to make that interesting as it wasn’t even for me.

Plus the new year exists only for those really bad hangovers from mixing alcohol and cream and regurgitated media where a writer reminds you of that time last month when all those people died, look, here’s that photo that affected you in July and remember when that film came out in September? I feel short-changed reading newspapers in the New Year.

I have  been writing this blog for a good few years now and some older entries are lost in the annals of time (well, actually filed under ‘Older Entries’) so I thought I would do a quick retrospective of the Ten Best Things So Far Discovered in the North-feel free to send in your own. It would make me very happy.

10. Steals- Blackpool. A nylon paradise of fashions that never were, the zip fell off or were just vaguely wrong to the general public. But you are not the general public, you have your own sense of style and panache and for a tenner you can buy a new wardrobe. Then discard it after seeing a full length mirror and cry.

9. The Coven- Wigan Possibly, just possibly the only (mostly) vegetarian café associated with witchcraft that also dabbles in raw gluten free food haute cuisine in the whole of Wigan. It is excellent. Not many establishments take your baby off you when you are eating your dehydrated mushroom burger and take it off down the street. More places should. Friendly, bohemian and excellent food at unsilly prices.

8. Williamson Park- Lancaster- Sit on top of a sundial and look across Morecambe Bay to the Lakes beyond. Healthy romping people walk their dogs, teenagers snigger, there is a dank butterfly house which suddenly makes butterflies seem a bit scary and should this be in London, the press would never stop raving on about utterly amazing and wonderful it is, whilst interviewing not that famous actors looking all windswept on the sundial. As it’s Lancaster, it just exists.

7. The New Continental-Preston-I like a pub that encompasses the gap between death metal nights and oak smoked rainbow trout on a bed of fennel. Light, large and with a massive beer garden to let your beloved children roam free as nature intended as you drink real ales because they have funny names.

6. The Palatine-Morecambe- It has newspapers from right wing to left, excellent pizza, excellent views across the bay and decent ciders.  Should the baby not have been born, you would have had to take me out of here in a body bag, Which to be fair would not have taken long.

5. Kirkcudbright Swimming Pool Charity Shop- It has tableaux in the window of topical events but with the items from the charity shop. The royal wedding was a godsend but sadly I was not in the vicinity on September 11th. Kirkcudbright is also the best town in the world. But be wary of its pasties.

4. Hazlemere café, Grange Over Sands- And talking of pasties, here is pasty nirvana, a flaky heaven of cholesterol. And with more than the normal prosaic cheese and onion choice for the vegetarian. I felt like the only gay in the village reaching the fleshpots of Soho when having a choice between spicy lentil and Homity Pie. The cakes will end your life sooner than anticipated but it will be worth it. Not stupidly priced either.

3. The bargain food shop selling cold cans of Pepsi Maxx for 30p In Ulverston. I possibly gained half a stone on the 10p posh crisps as well.

2. The Dining Rooms, Southport- Fancy and delicious food and everything is £2.50. Yes, £2.50. I assumed a catch but several months later and I’m still alive. But still slightly suspicious.

1. The random manor house buried in the woods somewhere in Lancashire-Because it was a random manor house buried in the woods. And haunted. And had a shrine. Nuff said.

4 Responses to “Top Ten Unicycle Emptiness Places Of Wonder Thus Far”

  • Steve Says:

    I’m looking forward to the top 10 list of places of shame which I can only assume will come at some point in the not too distant future.

  • cyberfairy Says:

    That will be Wetherspoons on a Sunday morning, Blackpool always and an hour and three plates into the chinese all you can eat buffet in Lancaster/anywhere. I shall ponder on some more and thank you for your tip :-)

  • Gordon Says:

    Some great places there (big fan of Hazelmere in Grange myself). Have you seen the Old Pier Book Shop in Morecambe? It’s an absolute Aladdins Cave? Like a scruffy version of Barter Books in Alnwick (another absolutely fantastic place to seek out).

  • cyberfairy Says:

    I love that place-still mourning not having the cash to purchase Gardening For Witches which I saw in there a year or so ago. I want to go to Alnwick very much and heard much about an excellent pub nearby in Low Newton. Carnforth also has a topplng tumbling book shop-I wonder how long they will thrive in times of Amazon :-(

Leave a Reply