Tea Shops and Passive Aggression

Today is the last day of summer. It is a Sunday in September and the sun has finally come to taunt us, showing us what could have been.

We go to Silverdale on Morecambe bay- all hanging baskets, houses that you expect Kate Winslet to run beaming out of, English accents and jolly ‘good mornings’ said by people with sensible hair and no tattoos.

There is dog poo. A lot of it, coiling and lumpen, glistening and bold all along the shore path so we do not look at the wonderful view across the bay to the mountains but instead go ‘carefu…. oh too late.’ We both get irrationally angry about dog poo.

There are signs on the beach telling us that no campfires, camping, alcohol etc is permitted on the beach ‘by order of the RSPB’. I wonder what jurisdiction the RSPB have and what would happen should I decide to flout these laws late on a weekend night. Would I be manhandled off the beach by the RSPB? Pecked to dead by a trained Peregrine Falcon? Left to rot in Leighton Moss wildlife reserve?

In the toilets at Kay’s Tea Room (otherwise all flowers, organic flour and Buddhas) is a sign that states terrifyingly and obliquely that anything not paper which is put in the toilets will set off an alarm and the wrongdoer will have to retrieve it. Thus the hapless degenerate only wanting a nice latte, some gluten free French chocolate torte and a quick disposal of a tampax will be forced by steely smiled management to roll up their sleeve and put their arm down a communal u-bend as lights flash, sirens scream and shocked white faces cluster at the door. And they wonder why people go abroad.

Then at a nearby cluster of farm buildings, a gallery specialising  in whimsical ceramic sheep and ‘quirky’ pictures of local landmarks has  a sign which says something along the lines of ‘Feel free to touch, free to hold-but if you break it, we say sold!’

Its smiling glee at your potential plight, its gloating and profiteering in your misfortune makes me leave. I did not want a swirly patterned glass plate anyway and I especially do not want a broken one foisted upon me and 29.99 forced from my empty purse. I wonder what would happen should the baby lunge at some fragile cutesiness. I have no money. Would I be arrested? Forced to make lumpen pottery hares until my debt is paid off?

I wonder at the British psyche where deep in a beautiful little village, shop holders smile at their customers. And imagine the worst.

Please feel free to share any examples you may have of the passive aggression smouldering in the genteel British heart. And apologies again for no photos. The camera is broken and cannot be fixed along with our financial situation.

5 Responses to “Tea Shops and Passive Aggression”

  • Andy (Hellooooo it's me!) Says:

    I dug up the front edge of my side lawn and planted vegetables to prevent the morons three doors down from parking on it, I also dug up the rest of the grass at the front and planted some fairly toxic herbs (belladonna, aconite etc.) to stop their idiot children from trampling my garden. No pleasant football friendly lawns here! (Does that count as passive aggressive?). I also politely return the neat package of two beer-cans to the Muslim neighbour who daily lobs it into my garden after consuming the contents for his breakfast.

  • cyberfairy Says:

    I thinks thats’s categorised as more aggressive-agressive 😉

  • Butterflyexperience Says:

    Your writing is beautiful, I had come across your blog aggesss ago and made a mental note to return often but then forgot to!

    You must be list without your camera too because your pics too are amazing…

    My eldest can be extremelly territorial she’s got better but used to shout go away to people she didnt want talking to her or me. I normlly stop her but when relatives come calling who I don’t like I used to leave her to it and hope they got the hint 😉

  • cyberfairy Says:

    Thankyou :-)Getting a lovely comment like that makes me keep going!

  • Little Me Says:

    How refreshing to read something not glitteringly positive about Silverdale. There is something pretty smug about that village. No examples of passive aggressiveness sorry, but I personally prefer Arnside. It’s a little more down to earth.

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